Sebulan seminggu in a 'one step closer' is too tough for me. I don't konw what to do. But its very very very dissapointed me. I never imagine this kind of test will happened between us. And also I never thought you will do such kind of thing. Really. I put all my trust on you, but seems like there's no appreciation yet you destroy all of them. I don't know how to trust you again. It is more hurt than cheated, I think. Yess, for the second time, you make me cries, even everyday. We don't have any arguement before, but at sudden you created that. And everyone keep asking me a forgiveness for him even he himself. And again, I forgave him. I give a third chance even I've told him before there's no third chances. If anything bad happened, assume that he never know syahirah. So I know now how blind a love is. You need to forgive and forgive and forgive all the wrongdoings. I wonder, what he will do if he at my place. Is I should be apologise? Does he will accepted what he sees with his eyes. But nevermind. If I'm not the first person for you, so does you. So I keep telling myself, it is fair. Fair to my black history of life which no one know. So I told my abah, 'akak pun buat dosa jugak, bezanya Allah tutup aib akak, but not him' My abah will not understand why I keep on pretend him, but I know who I am.
And my abah respect my decision and accept him with one condition. He don't want any bad things happend in between this period and sampai bila bila. If it happened again, he will not accept him. Dia marah betul sebab buat anak dia mcm ni, tapi I keep backup him and told my abah he's not that kind of person. I believe he will be my right partner, he will make me happy, he will protect me and he's a kind guy.
Abah, I can't leave him easily, there's a lot of things happened between us. And I just wish I can delete the bad memories which kill all the sweet memories of us. Abah, he will make me happy in future. In Shaa Allah. Please pray the best for us.
Biarlah. Biar ia berlalu pergi. Aku belek satu persatu kebaikan kau, dan aku jumpa satu keburukan kau. Maka, aku hanya manusia yg tak layak untuk menghukum, hanya mampu mendoakan keampuan buat kau. Mampu mendoakan yang terbaik untuk kita. Dan mendoakan agar tiada lagi air mata yg kau cipta, dan kehancuran hati yg aku kutip satu persatu.
Aku perempuan yg mudah memaafkan tapi tidak mudah melupakan. Terima kasih ajar aku untuk jadi lebih kuat dari apa yg aku sangka. Terima kasih kerana sedarkan aku, sayang mana pun seseorang pada aku, akan sampai satu masa aku tiada dlm fikirannya. Maafkan aku untuk setiap rasa yg aku ada dan setiap perangai aku yg kau bakal lalui. Aku rindu kau. Tapi aku benci dgn apa yg dah jadi. Manusia tak sempurna. Ini ujian kita. I just hope that I can face you one fine day. Please not make me cry again. I'm tired with this life. Very tired.
Hey girls out there. Don't put soooo much trust, cause you will hurt later.
Thanks. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜Š
