So yeahhhh, I'm very fine like usual, kadang-kadang tu meroyan tak tentu pasal kadang kadang senyum gelak tak henti, kadang kadang rasa nak melantak sepanjang hari, kadang kadang rasa nak terbang lari jauh jauh dari semua orang ehhh banyak nau kadang kadang kauu. HAHA.
Oh I'm seriously taknak cakap banyak but seems like semua benda aku buat tak kene, takpelahh kot kalau aku nak taip panjang panjang panjangggggg kat sini. Hihi. Like I know takdenyaa orang nak baca blog kau yang berkurun niii. :')
So todayyyy, whats sooo special are me -,- 25 OKTOBER 2009. Ohh ya, let be straight to the point. I'm telling myself about this kind of real life. Semua orang ada cerita masing masing, as Iam. So here there are. I can't really imagine that you would be this important for me. And I'm sure that day was a very memorable day even that time I'm just being your adik. Just imagine that you were approach by some of seniors but you choose him. And takkan aku lupa how we started, how I asked my akak akak for their advice opinion. haha. Sebab I didn't knew him at that time.
So the day you kirim salam, the day you mintak no phone and the day you texted me. Like baru semalam aku kenal diaaa. Since I have no brother, so I agreed for your request with the reason to have an abang and by the opinions by my akak akak. So from that day, I can't see you. I feel very very shy, terrible clumsy when terserempak, lari lari kalau boleh tak nak lalu sebelah sebab gelabah dia tak tentu arah. Tapi bila nampak dari jauhhh tak lepas pandang, nampak dia lalu sebelah kelas (since kelas dia nak ke toilet lalu kelas aku dulu) >.< so that time mmg aku dok jeling jeling nak tengok dia, pahtu acah acah focus dalam kelas bila dia nak balik ke kelas. hahahahaha. Huduhnyaa perangaii.
Then day by day, the same thing I did, even can't control my nervousness when I saw you. And that time, I seriously love him as my brother not more than that. And to be true, I didn't notice since when I love you more than that. At our first anniversary, I gigih naik kelas pagi pagi, masuk kelas you nak letak hadiah senyap senyap. Haha. Ceritanya nak beli hadiah tu pun makaihhh puas nak fikir sebab I have no idea at all. Ohh yaa, I'm a kind of jealousy girl. Klu tengah dok usha diaa tiba tiba nampak dia dok gurau suka suka dgn perempuan, dia punya rasa tu mcm harommm. haha. Padahal aku bukan sesiapa pun time tuu. But tu duluuu, sekarang still kuat jealous, but I can control it all. Or maybe sebab kita jauhhh. See! Ada hikmah. HAHA.
So then bila you dah habis sekolah, I still looking for you. Time cuti tak lekang mesej hari hari. Sibuk dengan phone jeee(sampai abah sound) Haha. Time sekolah and you at plkn, bila you dapat phone jee, I gigih call you if you still remember. So time you takde phone, I gigih kumpul duit syiling, the all the syilings habis dalam masa satu malam sebab sibuk dok gayut dgn you. kahkah. I still terimbau segala kenangan yg ada kat sekolah tuu. How we compete to belanja cornetto kat ko-op duluu. How we sorok sorok mesej bawak phone kat sekolah. How I get the strength to jalan jalan time ada karnival apa entah malam malam tuu. How you persuade me with your milo panas pagi pagi hari. How we curi-curi amik gambar berdua time dinner and time last day of school. And everything about you, I can't forget at all.
Bila you masuk matrik, I pulak budak sekolah lagiii, budak baik pulak tuuu, tak bawak lah phoneeee. Bila cuti jee, excited kita ni dok mesej you. You still the same. Till one day, I didn't know how it started. Tapi sebenarnya saje tipu you kata I ni tak bawak phone pergi sekolah, but then ptg tu I got a text from you but seemed that was not for me. Like seriouslyy, I langsung tak senang hati and rasa nak nangis time tuu. Rasa mcm ada org try to rampas you dari I. So I decided to buat2 salah hantar text kat you, but tak sangka your respon time tu was marah, merajuk and puas I called you through public phone, text you for many times, but you off your phone. Padahal time tu, I yg nak marah you sebab jealous. -.- And dah tengah malam you texted me dgn ayat "dah puas dah?" I really want to cry that time (sebenarnya dah nangis pun bawah selimut) risau yg amat takut you betul betul marah.
So that was our starting point. I had no idea, but I just confessed every single things yg I rasa towards youu. and it took sooo long waited you to reply my text. But surprisingly, your text pun panjang lebar nak bgtau yg you had the same feeling liked me. Ya Allah, I'm really relief and senyum tak sudah with all your promise. Tapi tak lama punn. Seriously tak lamaaa. Sebab tak sampai setahun pun, you told me that you couple dgn one girl at matrik which her name was syira too (T.T) Ya Allah, that time I'm crying liked crazy for two nights. I didn't eat. I talked less till my sister sedar yg something bad happened. So she dgn confidentnya texted you tanya how with us, then she showed me your text, and I nangis lagiiii rasa mcm sedih gilaaa kecewa gilaa yet nak marahhhh.
But the thing is, I terlalu sayang sampai I decided to still be your adik sebab tak mampu nak lepas you terus. How terrible I'm. Then my life became heartless, you texted and I replied with all the feelings that I had that time. Day by day, you makin jauh. you texted me once a week, then once a month, even once a year. Padahal every year, you dtg raya rumah I. But ada satu tahun tu, you even not wish me selamat hari raya and tak dtg pun raya rumah I. Ya ampunnn, time tuu mmg I rasa, I had no chance yet. Buang masa je simpan perasaan kat you. Since lepas matrik you broke up with that syira but then your coupled with another girl. (semua ni you tak pernah bgtau and cerita but I stalked you all the time to know about your life). So I decided to couple with this man dgn tujuan nak lupakan you. I even had a bestboyfriend yg I jadi listener I time SPM duluu. Semua relation I dengan lelaki after that hurt day was done just to forget you. But I can't even fell for them. I forced myself but still I can't.
Sampai dah tahap bosan dengan lelaki dengan segala niat I tu, so I decided time matrik sem 2, I'm free from anybody. I started be closed to Allah. I told Him everything. I cried and told Him that I can't move and and pleaseee show me the way. Time tuu mmg kita sgt sgt jarang mesej, bila I dpt mesej you terkinja kinja excited gembira for the whole dayy. Dan hari hari pun berlalu berbekalkan doa, semangat dan motivas sendiri. Time tu, rasa diri begitu tenang, no men in life except my atok, abah and so on. I got the best roomates ever, yg dari sekolah dulu I tak rasa kawan yg betul betul kawan. So I told them everything about me, I asked them about you. And the same thing I still keep mention your name in my doa. Yet selalu stalk you, yg kadang kadang buat I sakit sendiri. I rasa happy bila you gaduh dgn your ex duluuu. I rasa sedih bila you sweet sweet dgn your ex duluu. Tapi I tried to tell myself, yg mencintai tak semestinya memiliki. Biarlahh melihat you bahagia walau bukan dengan I. But still, I can't. Sampai mak adik beradik pun perasan yg I still have that feeling since semua cerita pasal you, I told them. Then mak pesan doa lahh kak, In Shaa Allah, klu dia yang terbaik, ada lah jodonhya. (T.T)
Habis matrik sampai lahhh masuk unilife. Waktu sem 2, mmg I keep on thinking about this one guy yg dulu aku pernah rapat dgn dia time form 4 form 5, then he asked me to more than a friend, but then dia diam tiba tiba lepas SPM, padahal dia kata dia tunggu I lepas SPM. He had his blog too, so I kept read his blog, mengangumi dia dalam diam. Until one day, I decided to do istikharah, since that time siang malam I thought about him. I asked ustazah opinion and even I contact him through wechat. Tapi as usual, seorang Syahirah tak mampu nak simpan perasaan dia klu dah buat hari dia tak tenang. So I decided to ask him masa sem 4. I didn't tell him that I like him or what because I don't think so. So, I just asked him whether is he had the same feeling like I feel, where kept though about him, wondered and so on. But you said no and I felt relief. And that time, I tak rasa kecewa ke sedih ke apa ke. Yg I rasa was happy and calm.
I even tolak all the confession towards me, yg nak kenal yg nak ajak kahwin yg nak rapat and so on. Jadi anti lelaki sampai dgn budak laki kelas pun tak bercakap. Tapi biasalahh klu tersuka that guys those guy and bla bla blaa, tapi bila nampak dia buat benda yg I tak suka such as bermesra dgn perempuan takde batas, pakai short pant, smoke, pemalas and so on, suka tu terus hilang melayang ke mana entah malas nak fikir. haha. But I noticed one thing time tuu, you always liked my moments, my ig, my tweets and my status. Even selalu jugak you comment kat semua yg I update.
Tapi time tu, I taknak lagi letak harapan walaupun deep inside I knew what I feel. I ignored them, focused in for my life, keep busying myself. Kadang tuu dok gurau acah acah nak tanya you single ke apa ke. Tapi tak pernah pun tanya straight dan tak pernah pun dpt jawapannya. Nak tahu, I stalked you, baru boleh tahu. haha. Bukan you jelaa I stalked, even your exs pun I stalked jugakkk >.< Kadang kadang mmg terasa jugak mcm ada bau bau you nak tahu pasal hidup I, nak care pasal I and so on. Tapi as I said before, kuatkan hati supaya tak kecewa pulak nanti. haha. Mungkin I perasan sendiri jee, anggap jela mcm tu. Sampai bila birthday I, you sent that email, I felt something but I ignored. Still having my life with all the doa for you.
But I decided to be the first person to wish your birthday. Selalunya nak jugak jadi first person but I buat buat lupaa sebab tak nak nampak yg I hegeh hegeh kat you. haha. Tapi tahun ni, berani pulak since you pernah kata you takde siapa dahh sebab takde org yg boleh faham you busy. haha. Then, cuti sebelum tu punn asyik nak keluar dgn you sampai baru lepas accident pun I gigih nak keluar dgn you, buang segala malu pergi kenduri sensei sama2, yg I wish takde org nampak kita sesama tapi akhirnya terserempak jugak dgn macam2 org termasuk cikgu2 pun. haha. So I made it. Mmg sebenarnya you noticed that I sengaja tunggu pukul 12 malam tuu, tapi I kata takk. I accidently wished you dan tak sangka pun I'm the first person. haha. So bila you kata you nak tanya I something but kene jawab dgn jujur atas ganti untuk hadiah birthday, of course, I'm wondering. But I calm myself, act like nothing.
So the next morning when you asked me all the questions, I didn't knew why I just told everything that I feel. Every single thing yg selama ni I simpan. Every word yg selama ni I mengadu pada Allah. But I didn't knew why, I can't get mad at you. Every hurt thing you did, I always forgave you, tak simpan apa apa dendam pun but still I perempuan, semua tu I ingat, tapi don't worry, I have nothing benci ke marah ke apa ke unless love. Even you buat lah sakit mana pun hati I, I end up with loving you. So that day was what I dream for sebelum ni. Berangan yg satu hari nanti kad kahwin ada nama you and I, Berangan yg you akan dtg balik cari I, so I tolak semua yg dtg sebab tunggu you. My friends told me, "Aku rasa klu time tu kau jadi dgn budak beijing tu pun, kau akan pergi balik kat dia sebab based on apa yg kau ceritaaa, deep inside kau still sayang dia sorg."
So yessss, I believed everything happened for a reason. Kenapa I kene tolak dgn budak beijing tu, kenapa I tolak mentah mentah semua lelaki yg try to approch me, kenapa I sanggup tunggu you walau segala rasa pun I pernah rasa. You know what, I didn't know that I sesetia ni. HAHA. Tak sangka yg I betul betul susah sayangkan org dan jugak lupakan org. And I really don't expect that you would be this important for me at our first met. I rasa hebat betul cinta I ni. Kahkah. And I believe that no one can be better than me in loving you. Do you think so? :') Hahaha.
So now, everything changed, I got my love back, I got YOU! Seriously tak pernah terfikir yg all my dreams came true. All my doa sebelum ni dimakbulkan. I doa budak beijing tuklu betul jodoh I dekatkan klu tak jauhkan. So Dia jauhkan. Tapi banyak lagi I doa untuk you. Still the same doa but kita sentiasa dekat dan dekat. Haha. So believe yg Allah dah beri I jalan, Allah dah makbulak doa I, Allah dah bukakan pintu hati you as I wished in my doa. Jangan tatahu, setiap kali I doakan you, air mata I tak putus2 turun punyalah beriyeee. haha.
Tapi I know and I can see that you seriously menyesal with our past, you seriously with all your promise masa birthday you tuu. You sentiasa ucap kata maaf bila I accidently tercakap pasal our past, I'm sorry, biasalah perempuan, mmg mcm tuu. But honestly, I dah maafkan semuaaaa. yg ada pun hanya ceritaa jee, I tak rasa apa2 pun bila I mentioned about it sebab I saw how regret you're.
So here,
Dear Future Husband,
I really fell for you everyday, I really forgave everything about our past, I really happy to have you back, my life changed. You are too care for me, you motivated me, you support me ups and downs, you accept all my flaws and who I am. You always proud of me, Walaupun you selalu je kutuk I, selalu je dengki cari gaduh but I know you show your feeling in other way. Even I sentiasa happy bila text you, selalu nak text you sampai bila tak text rasa betapa jauhnyaa kita. Yelaaa, hari2 I tunggu malam to tell you my day and know whats about yours. Tapi tulaaa, bila masing2 busy, I keep strong, bagitau diri sendiri, yg you bukan saje saje taknak text I, tertidur, study and so on semua tuu I faham. Kita jauhh tapi I sentiasa rasa kita dekat. I'm too happy now to have you. Macam macam you buat untuk balas balik kesalahan you dulu. Macam macam jugak you janji nak bgtau yg you seriously takkan lepaskan I kali ni dan you betul2 sayang. And heyyyy, I fall hard in you. Makin hari makin sayang. Setiap hari nak rinduu. And I wait for the day untuk kita disatukan dgn satu ikatan yg suci. 2 or 3 years are nothing for me as we are 7 years now. haha. mcm2 dahh kita hadap sebelum sampai tahap ni. So senjata I dari dulu hingga kini adalah doa. I didn't do anything except doa. I thanked to Allah for give you back, I thanked to all yg selalu doakan yg baik2 untuk kita, I thanked to you for loving me back. Seriouslahhhh rasa mcm drama sgt cerita kita nii. hahaha.
Dearest Future Husband,
Thanks for everything. All you have to know right now is I love you for no reason, and I'll love you forever and ever. I can't even describe how much is it. But if you read this, I think you'll know how hard I love you all this while. May we will be together till jannah. I don't know why you are the one, but what I know is you're soooo special for me. Tu yg dari dulu lagiii tak habis habis berangan kita kahwin sesama. So all the best in your life, semoga terus tabah melayan kerenah I, semoga kita boleh cepat cepat kahwn. kahkah. I promise you to be the best person for you.
HAPPY 7th ANNIVERSARY SAYANGGGG.
I LOVE YOU. I MISS YOU. I NEED YOU. <3
No comments:
Post a Comment